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How To Avoid Drama In Your Relationship. We talk a lot about “drama” when it comes to relationships and how to avoid it. Drama – in this case, unnecessary or manufactured conflict – is frequently the boogieman of dating; go to any online dating site and you’ll see hordes of people declaring that they’re a “drama- free zone” or have “no time for drama”. We all realize how much drama can sabotage an otherwise healthy relationship and why it’s so important to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in order to drama- proof our lives. But we rarely ever stop to think that we might be the ones causing drama. It’s an easy thing to overlook. We tend to see drama as being something other people do.

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Men especially tend to see themselves as drama- free zones; even among otherwise egalitarian and feminist men, there’s a tendency to equate “drama” with women. But drama is gender agnostic; men are just as prone to creating unnecessary conflict as women… we just don’t get called on it as often. There’s a saying I’m fond of: if you encounter an asshole one day, you’ve met one asshole. If you’re constantly surrounded by assholes you’re probably the asshole. Similarly, if every woman you’ve ever dated is a drama- queen… well, let’s remember who’s the sole common denominator in those relationships.“Damn right I am!”Making sure your relationship is a drama- free zone is more than just making sure that you’re dating emotionally mature partners; it also means not creating that drama yourself.

Check Yourself. One of the biggest lies we tend to tell ourselves is that we’re perfectly rational and objective when it comes to our own lives. It takes a lot of emotional energy to be completely honest with ourselves or to assess ourselves objectively. We have a massive host of cognitive biases that color how we see the world and how we see ourselves, and it’s incredibly easy to justify ourselves to paint us in the most positive light. As a result: it’s pretty easy to end up blind to some of your own flaws or mistakes. Sometimes you have to look at things from a different angle to get much needed perspective.

So with that in mind, I want you to answer some questions as honestly as you can. Do you often feel like your partner or your friends just don’t understand you? Do your friends, family or partner describe you as “high- maintenance”? Are you easily irritated by things that other people seem to brush off as minor or unimportant? Do you argue with your family or loved ones often, especially about minor issues? Do you seem to find yourself surrounded by people who are jealous of you or who want to sabotage you?

Are you continually frustrated people don’t get it when they’re just wrong? Do your friends, family or partner seem to refuse to see things the way you do, leading to fights? Do those fights never seem to end? Do they drag out for hours or flare up repeatedly? Do your friends, family or partner accuse you of needing to be the center of attention? Do you seem to move from crisis to crisis, where everything seems to constantly go wrong? When it does, is it usually someone else’s fault?

Does your partner never seem to listen to your side of things, but accuses you of not listening? Are you frustrated because people never seem to see why things aren’t your fault? Do you feel that your partner takes other people’s sides against you too frequently? Do you feel like your partner never gives you the credit or acknowledgement you deserve?

Individually, these questions don’t mean anything in and of themselves. After all, sometimes our friends or partners don’t get it. Sometimes when things go tits- up it is someone else’s fault. That being said, however, the more of these questions you answer “yes” to, the greater the possibility that you could be the source of much of the conflict in your relationship.“No I’m not! YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, DO… oh shit.”Now don’t get me wrong.

I’m not saying you’re an asshole or a bad person. Most of the time, we’re completely unaware that we’re acting this way – we’re too stuck in our own heads and don’t see how the way we’re acting or responding is affecting the people that we care about. Worse, it can be hard to admit that there’s even a problem, never mind that we’re the cause. But this behavior ruins relationships and makes it hard to improve or even form meaningful, long- term relationships with friends, family or romantic partners.

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So if these questions have you worried that you’re causing unnecessary drama in your relationships, let’s look at the things you can do to help prevent it. Bob`S Burgers Season 6 Episode 16 on this page. Unnecessary relationship drama tends to come down to specific issues: a need for control, an inability to communicate clearly, a need for validation or a lack of self- awareness. Watch Torture Chamber Online Fandango on this page.

Here’s how to fix them. Defusing The Drama Bomb By Using Your Words.

One of the things that causes unnecessary conflict in relationships is simply not being understood. One of the oldest, hoariest tropes in fiction – especially when romance is involved – is how poor communication causes problems that could easily have been avoided. But as much as we may shake our heads at Ross and Rachel for not fixing things with a simple conversation, we rarely recognize how often miscommunication complicates our own relationships.

If you’re continually complaining that your family, friends or partners never understand you… well, it may be that you’re not making yourself clear. There’s a reason why “What should we watch on Hulu” is the number 1 cause for divorce…One of the biggest ticking drama bombs in relationships is the tendency to assume that your partner is a mind- reader. Most arguments – especially in long- term relationships – tend to have two levels: what the fight is about on the surface and what’s really wrong. The problem arises when we expect our partners to divine what we really mean. Unfortunately, unless you’re dating Jean Grey or the Martian Manhunter, you’re not dealing with a telepath, you’re dealing with an ordinary person and those surface details are going to complicate the issue. It’s the classic “I want you to want to do the dishes” scenario – when someone says this, what they really mean is they want consideration and appreciation from their partner, not someone with a cleaning fetish.

But that surface issue – the dishes – becomes a distraction and the meaning is lost. To help communicate your point clearly, especially when there’s a conflict, you want to focus on the goal, not the details. The details can be argued, nitpicked and otherwise derailing – what do you mean by X, why do you say Y when I did Z, etc. When you’re having an argument, ask yourself: what change are you hoping for? If things went exactly as you wanted, what would happen? Why would this be better than the situation as things are now?

Those answers help you drill down to what you really want, and keeping that clear during the discussion helps keep things straight- forward. Sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re getting distracted; the problem is that you’re arguing about two entirely different things or that you have different ideas about what you’re asking for. Making sure you’re on the same page is important to resolving conflicts; if your partner thinks you’re asking for something absurd or insane, they’re going to assume that you’re being unreasonable, picking a fight for drama’s sake rather than trying to address sincere, heartfelt issues.

The ur- example is, of course, from Friends: whether Ross and Rachel were on a break or not. Rachel having an idiosyncratic definition of what it meant ultimately engendered the ongoing fight between the two of them. When you feel like you’re not being understood, stop and ask your partner to explain what they think you’re asking for… and listen. Don’t get angry at them for not intuiting your real meaning or attack them for misunderstanding you, clarify things, preferably in simple terms.

It’s worth remembering that clarity is critical when it comes to resolving miscommunication issues rather than speed.